from Kris B.

Deep down, we all know that discipline and structure create a sense of security.  As parents, we spend much of our time creating that sense of security for our children…perhaps moreso than most kids believe is necessary.  When we become adults, structure is often dictated by our “adult” responsibilities.  when we are “off the clock,” we want freedom – no have-to’s, no must-do’s, no structure, no discipline! 

I find myself asking if this free-form approach to time is really what I want and need.

Back in May as my spring semester was coming to an end, I had mental lists of things that I was going to accomplish over the summer.  Cleaning out drawers and closets, printing and hanging photos, some redecorating, knitting, writing, lots of things.  After all, my days were unencumbered by work responsibilities.  Many of the outside activities that I participate in during the academic year were also on summer hiatus.  My time was MY time.  I was in control.  And what happened?  I failed to do the majority of the things I had intended.  August and the start of the new school year rolled around and on my list there were more things in the undone column than the accomplished one.  As I think about my summer in retrospect, I realize that I, like a child, need structure in my life.  Apparently over the summer when I was in control, when my time was MY time, I was not mature enough to create for myself that structure that I so desperately need.

It’s already week four of the semester, a quarter of the way through the fall term.  School is in full swing as are all those activities that were not happening over the summer.  Work, meetings, deadlines, and rehearsals fill my schedule.  And yet, I have crossed more things off of that summer to-do list in these past four weeks than I did during my entire three months away from it all.  How is that even possible?

It all boils down to the fact that I need structure, and maybe not just structure, but rigid structure.  Apparently I am one of those people who the more they have to do, the more they get done.  When my schedule is filled with “must-dos,” I tend to literally also schedule in the should dos and the want-to-dos.  Writing something down in my planner guarantees that it will get done.  When I can see my life as a big picture, I know where I can squeeze in a load of laundry, or knit for a few minutes while dinner cooks, or read before I’m so tired that I can only make it through one paragraph.  I also schedule in “down time,” time with no technology, with no specific task except to have no specific task.  Yes, I have to write that down in my daily schedule.  Here’s to my sad reality.

Anyone who looks at my planner would probably run as fast as that could in the opposite direction because it makes me look like an absolute control freak.  I’m really not.  What I am is someone who does not function well without order and discipline.  And, I don’t multitask.  Therefore, to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed and having to multitask, I have to plan well.

Yes, sometimes things don’t go as planned.  Since I am really not a control freak, most of the time I am flexible and can easily readjust to spontaneity…after a quick consultation with my planner. 🙂  I do have a weekly menu planned, but if you call and want to go out for dinner, I’ll almost always put the plans on hold and join you.  I simply need a plan even if all it does is serve as a point of departure.  And, I am willing to depart!

Part of my daily discipline,one about which I am rigid about, is writing morning pages, a practice encouraged by Julia Cameron in her book, The Artist’s Way.  It involvers free writing, a brain dump, first thing every morning for thirty minutes.  I have done this for ten years or more.  It really does set the tone for me day as well as help thoughts bubble up to the surface.  The words that end up on the paper are not always pretty, but they are always necessary. 

A few years ago, I added writing a daily haiku to this morning routine, These daily haiku are often a distillation of these three pages down to seventeen syllables.  Here is proof positive of my absolute need for structure and discipline in my life.  The haiku form has both!

In case you are wondering how I ended up writing on this topic today, here is a haiku that was born out of a day of morning pages last week.

*****

Steadfast discipline.

Living with true intention

Amidst the chaos.

                                            KEB 9/10/18

*****

These thoughts have been whirling around in my head for a week.

For me, it comes down to this:

Time is our most valuable asset, bar none.  We all use it differently.  We all need to use it differently.  I encourage you to look at how you spend your time each day.  Are you doing the things that you need and want to do?  If not, what can you do to remedy that imbalance?  A wise person once said to me, “I don’t want to hear you say, ‘I don’t have time for____.’  That’s not true!  The truth is that you don’t make the time.”  

That statement was truth then and has stuck with me for many years.  Think about what for you is worth taking time.  Write it into your daily schedule.  Do it!