from Tracey
Kris and I had planned another post for this week, but most of our conversations over the recent days have revolved around the ever-unfolding school shooting case in my state; that led to discussions on school shootings in general. It touched us both on many levels, aside from the tragedy that is the obvious first thing. We can look at it from many viewpoints, as parents, an educator and as former students ourselves.
As a parent, it’s terrifying to me that my child has to live with “active shooter” drills being a regular part of his educational experience right from the beginning. He’ll never know school-life without them and this very real threat. That makes me incredibly sad too. Active shooter drills shouldn’t be a “thing” at all, because having those drills means that that particular threat is an ever-present possibility. I’m disturbed that I have to worry when a text comes through from the school district announcing that the school is dealing with “an issue” and are going into one of the various levels of lock-down. To me, even the softest of lockdowns is enough to raise my anxiety levels. My mom didn’t have this worry in her parenting of a school-aged child. And I also have the worry and anxiety over when the school’s communications are somewhat vague. The “do I send my kid or not today” anxiety jumps in. On one hand if it’s a drill that they are alluding to (maybe, not sure, with the way things are worded), I want him there so he’s not the kid who was absent the day they learned what they are supposed to do during a real situation. But then, the other part of my parental brain starts spiraling out of control with all the “what-ifs”, some days it feels like a damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario.
As a former student, I am so glad this wasn’t a thing when I was a kid. We had the usual fire and tornado drills to contend with. (And as a person who has got a phobia regarding tornadoes, even drills could cause my anxiety rise.) Even the occasional bomb threat (or if it was a drill) was something handled like a fire drill – everyone out of the building in an orderly fashion and as far away as possible. I can’t imagine having to deal with practicing what to do if there is an armed intruder in my safe place (school), that is roaming around and actively looking for people to shoot.
I was never fond of the game “hide and seek” because I didn’t like hiding and the anxiety level it raised in the waiting for someone to find me (I also didn’t like games where people jump out at me, yeah, I know I’ve got issues!). So, for me, taking part in that sort of drill where we are hunkered down, hiding and hoping the person(s) don’t find us would be a real test of my coping mechanisms.
If I combine these two perspectives, being a parent and a former student, it makes me really sad that my child doesn’t get the same opportunity I had in my schooling career – having fun with my friends and my biggest worry was simply to get the best grades that I could. No kid should have the daily worry that someone might feel that the only solution to their problem(s) is to bring a loaded weapon to school to fix whatever the wrongs done to them are, either perceived or actual.
There are so many other thoughts that orbit around this topic as well, like what has happened to some of our kids that they feel these solutions are practical and justified? I can honestly say that is something that never popped into my head whatsoever. How does it become a person’s go-to solution at such a young age? Have they lost sight of the fact that it’s a temporary stop on the way to the rest of their life? I know there aren’t really answers to any of these questions, and all of the situations have their own causes etc., but it makes me incredibly sad to see a kid throw their life away on something that is so very temporary – to lose sight that “this too shall pass”, and that the solution they are choosing is permanent on all levels. And to see parents lose kids to a shooting like this is beyond heartbreaking, to have someone forcibly take your child from your life, in any manner is gut-wrenching. Especially from a place that is supposed to be safe, or at least always used to be, in my experience.
From Kris
My girls graduated from high school in 2007 and 2010. Though there had been school shootings during their public school days, the most notable being Columbine in 1999, such incidents were not of enough concern that my girls had to endure active shooter drills during their school days. The mom in me is grateful for that!
As a teacher at the college level, I think that I was the first one in my family to participate in regular active shooter drills. They began to be a regular part of our “training” around 2014 or so. At that point, the following was attached to our passkey lanyards, a daily reminder of the very real possibilities that we faced every day on campus.
I’m not sure which is worse-being a parent worrying about a child at school or being the teacher responsible for keeping other peoples’ children safe. No matter a student’s age, they are still someone’s child. And when it comes to being in lockdown with scared students, they all look about five years old.
Fortunately, we never had any actual active shooters on my campus during my tenure, but I did experience three police activity lockdowns due to “imminent danger.” One was the result of a bank robbery across a field from our campus. The police thought it likely that the suspect, who was armed, would flee toward campus where people were always mingling about and he could easily disappear into the crowd. The second lockdown was due to “possible gunshots” near campus, and the third was initiated because of note found in a campus restroom in which a student said they were on campus and threatened to take their own life. Though none of these situations is as scary as a confirmed active shooter on campus, they were all packed with enough anxiety for me.
With each lockdown incident I experienced, I was in a different place on campus so each required a slightly different response on my part. For one of them, I was in my office. When the lockdown notice came across my office computer, I had a few seconds to grab any students who were wandering out in the hall and pull them into my office. We then turned off all the lights and sat huddled together in a corner on the floor and waited…for either something terrible to happen, or an all clear.
The second lockdown happened while I was in the classroom teaching. The students and I all got the emergency alert as text messages on our phones. We quickly turned off all the lights and closed the blinds and barricaded the door with a piano and several desks. We kept a few desks at hand to throw should anyone actually make it into the classroom. Again we sat packed together in silence waiting. After a few minutes, I heard one young female student whisper, “I’m scared.” I thought the same thing, but couldn’t say it. We spent nearly two hours like this. Thankfully, the threat turned out to be just that…a threat that did not materialize.
During my last lockdown experience, I ended up in the Black Box theatre with a bunch of my theatre teaching colleagues. We had no students with us this time. If you have to spend time in lockdown, doing so with a bunch of drama queens is the best place to be. 🙂
I am beyond grateful that none of these situations resulted in anyone getting hurt. But, my head knows that it is just a matter of time. In 2015, Texas passed the Campus Carry law, allowing licensed gun owners to carry firearms on higher education campuses. In September of this year, the Texas legislature then decided that no one needs a license to carry so they removed this requirement to gun ownership. Another sad reality is that these things were contributing factors to my retiring this year.
If you have never personally experienced a real lockdown situation, especially one where you are responsible for the lives of others, be glad. If you have children who come home from school talking about being scared because of the drill protocol that they experienced, believe them. This is not the kind of “learning” that should have to be occurring in any of our schools. Fire drills, tornado drills, even bomb threat drills don’t cause the level of anxiety that the imminent danger or active shooter drills do.
I thought that I wouldn’t have to worry about these things daily now that my kids aren’t in school and I have retired, but I got a text message from daughter Friday evening saying that she had received a communication from her stepson’s school advising parents that school officials had heard a student threatening to bring a gun to school. The ironic part of this text is that it came on the heels of another text from my daughter asking if Tracey’s son, Harry, had made it home safely from school on Friday after all of the upheaval in the Michigan schools last week. All of the parents and stepparents are in agreement that if my step-grandson feels apprehensive about going to school because of the recent gun violence threat, he can stay home. This whole scenario is heartbreaking – for the students, for their parents, for teachers and administrators, and for the child who, for whatever reason, feels the need to make such a threat.
Sad realities.
Will it ever stop?