A few weeks ago Tracey wrote about her One Little Word   choice for 2017.  I am going to follow her example and share my first month’s experience with my 2017 word.  I chose the word  “nourish”  for this year.  Nourish came to me clear as could be at the end of December.  What was not so clear, was exactly why or what I was supposed to do with it.

As I responded to the initial questions posed by Ali Edwards in the January materials, I wrote that I wanted to nourish my body, mind, and spirit.  Still quite a bit of vagueness there, but in writing those words, I made a commitment to figuring out exactly why I felt so strongly called to nourishing my self, my whole self, this year.

Most of us associate the word “nourish” with food, with what we eat.  Foods are  tangible.  There are choices that are healthy and provide nutrients for our bodies and then there are those choices that aren’t so healthy, but sure do taste good.  I have one foot firmly in each of those camps!  I do cook and eat healthy meals, but I am also an avid snacker.  I snack because I think doing so provides an extra boost of energy.  I need that extra boost of energy because I don’t get enough sleep/  I don’t get enough sleep because there are so many things that I want to do…and there you see nourishing oneself goes far beyond just the food that we put in our bodies.  It is about everything that goes into our bodies, touches our bodies, surrounds our bodies.  It is about those things that feed our emotions, that stimulate us intellectually, that touch us spiritually.  We are complex machines.  Our physical, emotional, and spiritual selves do not function independently of one another.  Therefore, we must care for, nurture, and nourish each piece of our human existence.  Sounds simple, right.  🙂

So how did January go?  What did I do to makes strides toward doing a better job of nourishing my body, mind, and spirit?

I was more successful with providing my emotional and spiritual self with a healthy fare than I was with feeding my physical self.  I continue to take a photo a day and write (almost) daily morning pages.  I have started knitting again, something that I realized at the end of 2016 that I really missed last year.  These are all seemingly little things, but taken together, they keep me grounded and somewhat sane, which I consider a major feat considering the current state of affairs in this country at the moment.

I hate to say that I failed at making any positive moves toward providing nourishment for my physical self, but if I am honest, and honesty is important, I have to say that I fell way short on this aspect of caring for myself.  The good news?  February is a new month and brings with it the opportunity to start with a clean slate, with new goals, and with newly gained insight.

So, this month, I am getting physical.  I had intended to get back on the treadmill at the beginning of January.  I can list lots of “reasons” why this didn’t happen, but then I have to stop and remind myself that I really have no reasons…I have only excuses.  Yesterday, I started practicing for February.  I got back on the treadmill and started the first week of Couch to 5K.  I did a second day today!  And, I feel good!  Bring on February!  I like having concrete, measurable physical goals.  Couch to 5K is a nine week training program that prepares you to run a 5K race at the end of those nine weeks.  We’ll see how it goes.  It may take me more than nine weeks to achieve that goal.  I have an old out of shape body that quite possibly will demand two or three weeks on a level where a younger and more fit body may require only one.  That’s OK too.  Doing something is better than doing nothing.

My youngest daughter and I are doing a 5K race together at the end of February.  I agreed to do this with the stipulation that I can walk rather than run.  My normal walking pace is four miles per hour, a reasonable pace for walking so hopefully I won’t be an embarrassment to her!  If I stay on track with my training program, I may be able to run part of the race.  Again, I’ll just have to wait and see how the next four weeks go.  Walk, run, or a combination of the two…I have a goal, something to work toward, something to motivate me, something that I am excited about doing.

All that said, I do know that I also need to work on my snacking and sleeping “habits” but they are not this month’s priority.  Perhaps these things will reap some residual benefits from my running.  If that’s the case, excellent!  I certainly will not complain.  And if I still snack too much and sleep too little, I’ll concentrate on those things in March, or April, or May…I don’t say that from a place of procrastination, but from one of being realistic.  One thing I do know is that I have to be gentle with myself.  It is too easy for me to beat myself up for not reaching the unrealistic personal goals that I often set.

I am grateful to be working towards nourishing my body, mind and spirit amidst the framework of Ali Edwards’ One Little Word.  I know that I have a year to journey with my word, nourish.  I am excited to see where that journey takes me.

What can you do to nourish your body, mind, and spirit in the next month…or year?

I was having lunch with a friend the other day.  He mentioned that he had a cherished family photo that he wanted to hang in his home.  He also had a frame that he loved.  The problem was that the photo and the frame were not compatible as is; to use that frame, he was going to have to cut down the photo.  My friend wasn’t sure that cutting down the photo was a good idea.  He mentioned his dilemma to another friend who asked why he was worried about trimming the photo.  It was his photo and had no value to anyone but him.  If he wanted to cut it down to fit into a particular frame so that he could enjoy it, then by all means do it.  He was the only one that could and would find meaning in that photo so however he wanted it is how it should be.

This conversation between my friend and me took place during a break in a day on which I was going through box after box of papers, scrapbooks, and photos that I brought back from my parents and grandparents house.  To say that I was overwhelmed is putting it lightly.  Ninety-nine percent of the memorabilia that lay before me had absolutely no intrinsic value to me.  There were photos of people that I couldn’t identify and there is no one left who can.  I didn’t even save my own high school scrapbook so I certainly had no inclination to save my mother’s.  Newspaper clippings, programs from events that I’m sure were monumental at the time, receipts, and the list goes on…lots and lots of stuff…I was buried in it, literally and figuratively.  I needed to dig myself out.  But how?  One by one, I made sure that I put my hands and eyes on every single piece of paper that I had.  As I sat in the midst of it all feeling extremely guilty because of my strong desire to toss most of it, a most freeing realization came to me.  These are not MY memories.  If they are not my memories, they aren’t going to be girls’ memories either.  Therefore, I don’t need to keep everything.  I went through and saved pictures and a few other things for myself and for my girls, but I threw a whole lot more away.  And, I feel good about that.  I must add here that, judging by the thickness of the layer of dirt and dust on the many boxes and photo albums, no one had looked at them in many, many years.  No longer is my guest room a repository for the unnecessary, a museum that no one is going to visit.  This room is now a place where guests can actually stay and hopefully feel comfortable.

This whole experience caused me to do a hefty bit of rumination and reflection surrounding my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Here is what I learned about myself:

I very much live in the present.  Not the past.  Not the future.

I am not a keeper or collector…of anything (except Lego mini figures.  But, I use them; they have a real and present purpose in my life.)

There are very few tangible things to which I have an emotional attachment.

Things are meant to be seen, used, and enjoyed.  They serve no purpose “saved” in boxes in a closet.

The memories that I have are the memories that I have.  Simple as that.  The few pictures and such that I saved help to spark these memories, but they themselves are not the memories.  True memories reside in our heads and hearts.

As I went through the years and years of accumulated stuf, I vowed that I was not going to leave that kind of onerous undertaking for my girls.  That is one of the reasons that I was so determined to go through all of the boxes sooner rather than later.  I did find myself wondering if someday will my children and/or grandchildren will be sitting in the middle of the floor somewhere feeling guilt about throwing my photos away?  I certainly hope not.  For a brief moment, I wondered if taking so many photos myself is a ridiculous waste of time.  I snapped out of that mode of thinking fairly quickly realizing that all of those things I mentioned above about myself those things that I mentioned above that I learned about myself also apply to me as a photographer.

I have no problem deleting photos.  I will keep only a handful, if that many, of any particular event.  This forces me to look mindfully at all of my photos and select the one that best represents my thoughts and feelings at the time.  The bottom line…I am called to make intentional choices.  And living with intention is my number one priority, not just with regard to photography, but in all aspects of my life.

So that’s my philosophical approach to this whole dilemma.

Now, let’s be practical for a minute.

I am in my fifth year of taking a photo a day.  Thus far I have taken 1,485 daily photos.  I am 55 years old.  The average life expectancy for a woman in the United States born in 1961 is 88.  That means that potentially I could have 32 more years taking of a photo a day.  That, in addition to the photos I’ve already taken means that I could end up having taken over 12,000 photos.  And that’s with keeping only one a day!  Oh, and this number doesn’t include any pictures that I took for the first fifty years of my life, as in when my girls were growing up! 🙂  Yeah, there are quite of few of those.  How realistic is it to expect anyone to keep all of these pictures?  It is not realistic at all!  These photos, for the most part are my memories.  My family should keep only the ones that have meaning for and speak to them.

I am going to keep taking a photo a day for as long as I possibly can.  It is something that I do solely for me.  I consider photography as a spiritual discipline.  Taking a photo every day invites me to see the presence of the divine in my daily life, even when that life doesn’t really feel or look beautiful.  Seeking and acknowledging daily these sometimes fleeting glimpses of beauty also brings enlightenment   I am made aware of my internal and external struggles; of people, circumstances, and things for which I am grateful; as well as of things for which I need to offer thoughts of hope and prayer.

And perhaps most importantly, photography brings me joy..

I don’t take photos hoping to impress anyone.  I have no desire to become a professional photographer.  I take pictures because I love taking pictures.  That’s it.

As the familiar mantra says, “Love what you do and do what you love.”

Thank you. I think I will.

I really don’t think of myself as a photographer.  I am a journaler.  I have been a journaler for a long time.  For most of that time, I have relied on words to tell my story, to create the picture of who, what, and where I was physically and emotionally at the moment in which my pen and  paper met.  It wasn’t until about five years ago that my camera joined in the process of sharing  my story.  I have to admit that I am still more comfortable and confident expressing myself with words, but every now and then, the images that make there way to my camera are far more powerful than any words that I might find to illustrate the me that is in that moment.  So was the case today.

A little over half way through January and I am feeling pretty good about where I stand with the goals that I set for myself in 2017.  A photo a day every day, regular blogging, knitting, and being intentional about how I choose to nourish my body, mind, and spirit.  I can say with confidence that I am on track.  But, I have not been working; I’ve been enjoying a four week break between semesters.  That came to an end today as my spring semester started at 7:30 this morning.  All of the sudden, I don’t feel in control.  Thirty plus hours a week that I have had to take care of me are now gone.  I do love my job, but I also love cooking, writing, taking photos, and sleeping.  I fear that sleeping will get the short end of the stick here now that I have less “free” time.  My coffee intake likely will increase proportionately to the decrease in my sleep time. Lol!  I intend to work toward finding a healthy balance between work, play, and sleep, but it may take me a few weeks…or months.

Today the Capture Your 365 photo prompt was bubbles.  Being the first day of school, I didn’t have much time to give to thinking about or taking the photo.  I figured I’d pull out the bubbles from under the kitchen sink when I got home, wave the wand around, and see what I could capture.  And that would be good enough for today.  One thing I have learned as I’ve gotten older is that today’s best is different from tomorrow’s or yesterday’s best and that is OK.  I have made a concerted effort to to stop worrying about yesterday and tomorrow and focus on being fully present to today.  Getting to this point has been a rough journey, but well worth the discomfort caused by rugged terrain along the way.

I was grateful that my husband offered to help me this afternoon by being the bubble blower.  Blowing the bubbles myself and then trying to focus and shoot requires much more coordination than I had this afternoon.  Oh wait…who am I kidding?  It requires more coordination than I have any afternoon!  Anyway, he stood and blew bubbles and I moved around looking for an interesting angle, something that resembled an intentionally composed photo.  I finally decided that I wanted a photo that looked like he was holding a bubble in his hand.  The bubbles were reflecting the trees in our yard, kind of cool; I could live with that being my picture for today.

I was having trouble focusing because I was tired and it was windy. So, I set my camera to continuous shooting, which gave me six shots per second.  Please! One shot in focus!  That’s all I wanted.  In my first few attempts I got some “OK” shots, but not exactly what I was hoping for.  Finally, I was happy with this shot.

After cleaning up all of my bubble mess, I sat down at the computer to pull the photo off of my SD card.  Then I looked at the next frame.  It was this.

Boom!  Right there, with these two photos, is one of those cases where photos do a much better job of describing my today than words will.  The first photo is what life has been like for the past sixteen days of this year – gentle, contained, focused, manageable.  And then its back to work and literally my bubble is burst.  No longer can I hold things together in the same way that I did yesterday.  As close as it may still feel, yesterday is gone.  Today is all that there is.  So today, I must find a way to embrace my burst bubble.  And tomorrow it will be gone and all will be new again.  As the quote by Pema Chodron that I included on the second photo says,

Impermanence is a principle of harmony. When we don’t struggle against it, we are in harmony with reality.

So very true!

Here’s to all that today has to offer!

Happy Tuesday from Texas.