Last night at dinner Harry announced he wasn’t interested in doing the Holiday Program at school, again. This will be the 2nd or 3rd year he’s wanted to opt out. This is one of those things I believe in letting him make up his mind about – whether or not he wants to participate.

It seems I’m finding that on some things, Mom’s ideas (or ideals!) are carrying less weight, lol, and I guess that’s just how things go as they get older. And as it should be, as they start learning HOW to make decisions.

Harry has ALWAYS been one who knows his own mind in the realm of what he likes and doesn’t like. He was always pretty easy to shop with because of it, as he’d know what he wanted and had no problem reasoning out which item he’d want more than another etc. So, I suppose it lends me to be more lenient in regards to what he wants to participate in if it’s not a “mandatory” kind of thing, or something that would be a detriment to him somehow, meaning the kind of thing that a parent needs to step in and make the executive decision on (“Yes, you ARE going to school today!”), lol. Like the Holiday Program, I don’t consider it “mandatory”, it’s extracurricular. (Each grade sings a couple fun holiday songs, that’s it)

As we sat around the dinner table, rehashing the day and talking about this and that, he announced that he didn’t want to do it. And we thought this was ok if that was his choice, and we actually discussed it, pros and cons and so forth. This is one of those things that, if he’s sorry about not participating, it’s on him – another lesson I think is important to learn, one that’s not too painful to start out with. Even if I think he might have a wee bit of regret over it, it’s an important lesson for him just the same. And if he does, maybe the next year he’ll choose to participate in it, remembering he wasn’t thrilled with his decision the year before.

I told him last night, that in retrospect, I remember a lot of things I wasn’t happy with my mom over, and I try not to do them to him, when it can be helped. Some things she HAD to enforce of course (“Yes, you ARE going to school today”) and some that she didn’t have to, that she had me do anyway. I understand most of it now, that I’m an adult and also a parent. And, admittedly, some things from like when I was 4 that I’m still mad about that she wouldn’t let me do, because she likely thought I was too young or too little, I may be guilty of myself doing to Harry now because I too felt he was to young or too little. If she was still here she’d be rolling her eyes because she’d know exactly what things I was talking about as I never kept it a secret that I was still irritated by those instances, lol.

There are soooo many things we HAVE to impose on them as parents, choices we HAVE to make for them, and I find it can be hard to sometimes figure out just what to turn over to them to decide. But we have to let them use their voice sometimes, it’s the only “safe” way to learn that important decision making life-skill they’ll need as adults. If they don’t start making some decisions now, they won’t be very good at it later. If Mom or Dad always made the choices/decisions for them, they will be kind of lost when they NEED to make their own. The trick is finding the little things now that you can turn over to them, (“It’s cool if you don’t like broccoli, but can you choose another vegetable you DO like?”) the stuff that isn’t life, limb or death.

It’s a good to feel like you have some control in your life, no matter what age you are, it’s very empowering and helps to build self-confidence. If I hate feeling completely out of control, how can I expect my child to like it? I just have to find that right balance, as a parent, of what to let go control of, which I suppose is something parents through the ages have struggled with!